C is for "Connect"

It's easy to get caught up in the rush of everyday life, especially with a full time job and children. But, connecting with my husband is important. No...it's imperative. Every day, I have to make time to not only notice him as my husband (not just another entity in the household), but to physically connect, mentally connect, and emotionally connect with him at some point.

I don't think it has to be sexual (though for those guys like my husband whose dominant love language is physical touch, sex, sexual touch, and sexual talk need to happen on a regular basis). Always kissing goodbye (really kissing...and taking that extra little second to hug a little more deeply), kissing hello again, touching throughout the time we're home together, texting throughout the day or calling just to say hi, holding hands on the couch to watch T.V., and snuggling in bed before we go to sleep --- those are all ways to stay connected.

Off and on this year, I've felt disconnected from my husband. The fault belongs to both of us, but I'm not going to continue blaming him for closing off. I mean, he's hurt, right? He's doing what normal people do when they feel their needs aren't being met. My marriage isn't perfect right now, but I feel it has the potential to be amazing, so I'm willing to put up with things that drive me crazy while we work on the things I know we can make right more quickly.

Our emotional connection is central to our marriage. Without it, there really is no relationship. Our physical connection is the vehicle that takes us there. And the two together keep us mentally synced. The easiest thing for me to act on (because, remember---actions speak louder than words?) is physical touch. Even if I have to add it to my to-do list, it's got to happen more often.

It used to be I couldn't keep my hands to myself. I wanted to be next to him all the time. But the business of marriage and family can be hard on desire. I know I still have it, but I have a tendency to multi-task and let my mind gravitate toward things that don't matter as much as my marriage. He's even pointed out in the past that he doesn't feel as important as my job.

Basically, at the end of my life, I want to be sitting on a porch holding hands with this man. I don't want to be alone, reminiscing about the work I've done, the clean house I had, or the errands that just had to be done...All. The. Time. But my actions are sending me in the direction. Time to change that.