Though, I'll admit that words are seriously powerful, hurting and uplifting, as the case may be, actions are what really tell us the truth about a person's intentions.
With that in mind, I can honestly admit that my words have been damaging and my actions have done nothing to improve the situation. And since January, when we stood on the precipice of divorce (for real), I've been mostly saying things and not backing them up. I've said I love him and that I'll do whatever it takes to keep our marriage in tact.
Oh sure, I've read a lot of self-help books, but I haven't done a great job of applying anything. With me, it's all a matter of - "Just hang on and let me read up on this, process it, write about it, and then I'll get around to the perfect solution." And that may be, but for him, that system takes too long.
I don't blame him. He has no idea how much "processing" I do, because nothing I process seems to ever come out in action that really impacts him.
His biggest unhappiness in our relationship is our sex life. I'm not saying women don't need to feel desired, because they do...but I know for most men, it's imperative. Being desired gives him strength. And our sex life, when it's good, connects him to me in a way that nothing else does. It makes him happy. "Physical touch" and "words of affirmation" are his love languages. And so those are the languages I must use if I'm ever going to reach him. I need to stop trying to reach him in the ways I wish he'd try to reach me.
It's not as if I never touch him...because I do - all the time. I love him. And I touch him as if I love him. I also tell him I love him. The problem is...he already knows that, and while it's nice to feel and nice to hear, it isn't what he needs most right now. What he needs it to feel wanted.
So that has to be the focus. Even if it's not the focus for me, it has to become the focus. And I have to show it...not say it.
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