H is for "Humility"

We're all wrong at some point it in time. And even when we aren't, the stability in our marriage isn't worth losing just to be right.

I'm one of those people who spends a lot of time at work providing proof and evidence for things. I have an audience that always asks "Why?" and expects answers. So, not only is it my personality to keep at it until the other person sees what I'm trying to say, it's been ingrained in me over the years.

That doesn't make it the right strategy for my marriage, however. And I'm getting better at biting my tongue and weighing the importance of my battles. My pride has gotten in the way more often than not with my husband, so I'm learning to be humble. I'm learning to apologize, meaningfully. Not my normal mumbled, "...sorry..." Instead, "I'm sorry for _______________. It must have ______________. You are important to me, and what I did doesn't show that. So...I'm really sorry." By apologizing for something specific and explaining why, I think it seems more authentic. It also validates the other person's feelings more.

I've heard people offer up apologies like, "I'm sorry my words made you feel that way." That's another way to apologize, that doesn't necessarily force you to admit that you are wrong. Sometimes you aren't. But, the way we deal with each other can be wrong. And if an apology, of any type, is the way to avoid a fight or hurting your spouse, then it's probably the right avenue.

I've been trying new techniques when we have disagreements. And I suspect that the apology is one tool that will come in handier than most. We are both proud people. And we both like to be right, which is part of our problem.

Apologizing really is a lot easier than some of us make it. There doesn't need to be admission of guilt or blame. There just has to be a strong element of honesty and sincerity. An apology shows that you care more about the person than the argument. Sometimes, I think we need to remind ourselves of that.